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Tears, jokes & heartache

0 CommentsPrint E-mail Global Times, November 9, 2010
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Almost inevitably in his first year of university, Peng Peng fell in love with a straight classmate.

After he finally plucked up the courage to overcome a lifetime of denial, the answer came fast and predictably: a loud "no."

The secret was out.

Ashamed, sad and confused, Peng Peng swallowed as many sleeping pills as he could and washed them down with hard baijiu liquor.

The liquor strategy backfired later as he vomited his way back to life at the hospital.

It was the year 2000 and Peng Peng believed his life was over.

He had not appreciated at that time how deeply his near-successful suicide attempt would wound his parents, Peng Peng says.

"They looked like they had aged 10 years overnight," he says.

His father, a quiet, serious man, approached and hugged him.

"He said to me 'Son, are you afraid? Don't worry. Dad will protect you.'"

The audience falls completely silent.

"I cried," he says.

He is not alone.

The issue is the same all over the world, says Caitlin Ryan, a researcher at the San Francisco State University, who attends the meeting on Saturday.

"Parents all over the world want their children to be happy," she says.

Ryan quotes a 30-year study that found gay people whose families oppose homosexuality are eight times more likely to attempt suicide.

Peng Peng now lives happily with his boyfriend Xiao He, who also once tried to kill himself for much the same reason. His boyfriend is accepted as part of the family.

"I feel like I have another son," Peng Peng's mother smiles and says.

"In fact, he's much better than my son, smarter and stronger."

She spent a month living with them in Beijing last year to "monitor" their life. The couple passed her test: Peng Peng made sure his boyfriend was fully up to speed on all his mother's foibles.

"I know she likes me because her son likes me," says Xiao He, "but deep in her heart, I still believe she thinks 'It would be better if my son was straight."

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